Struggling

Struggling

Definition:          Have difficulty handling or coping with
                                - passengers struggle with bags and briefcases

As I sit here and think about what is happening in my brain I find it hard to even know where to start. 

Do I say, I'm struggling with the fact that I would do anything in the world to have another child, but physically it seems impossible.

Because it is. 

Do I say, because of this I am finding each day at the moment a struggle.

Because it is.

Do I say, that this is playing out in other areas of my life and these areas are starting to affect my life negatively.

Because it is.


Do I say I am avoiding most social occasions because it can all just be to hard.

Because I am.

I get so cross with myself because of these struggles.

 Sometimes all the time, I wish I wasn't held back by these inhibitions. They haven't always been there but when typing that and really thinking about it I can remember different situations throughout my child hood where I have talked myself out of doing things because there may be a negative effect. It just seems to have gotten worse... a lot worse.

There are days were I get caught up with it and that is what we call a bad day. I celebrate at the end of those days because there is always hope the next one will be better.
 
They usually are.

There are days were I just think to myself. What are you worried about... just go with it... Cant sorry. Just doesn't work like that.

I am at the point where I am starting to think it will always be like this.
I do not want it to always be like this.
It is time for help I think.

Thanks for letting me vent

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Lately

There as been a lot going on around here lately.

As it would happen in every home.

But lately I've been...

Loving...

The fact that the sun is coming to the party.

Excited about...

 Our first trip of the season to the beach yesterday

Coping with...

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 The fact that I'm not that okay

Dealing with...

An unwell little man, when I haven't been well my self.

Celebrating...

 Birthdays... Made two, TWO of these bad boys in a row

Believing...

That the 'spoon' IS the best part... it just is

Working on...

 Making this space better

Surprised by...

The Facebook page 'likes' more then doubling in a week

Participating in...

Please go to Fatmumslim for more information about this awesomeness

Valuing...

 

 Re-kindled friendships, his and mine

Appreciating...

Him. 

Hope your weekend is full of awesome.

Be good to you.
Remember you are always welcome to share what's been happening at yours lately :0)

Wordless Wednesday on Thursday...

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Love this one

Have a great day.

Dear Spring

Dear Spring.

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Stop just stop PLEASE
I know, I know its probably not fair to blame you but....

seriously... Its been a bit rough eh... Its barely past half way through the first month and so many rough things has happened already.

You may have read this, fair enough that might not be entirely your fault but... you know.

and then today... my car broke... kaput.... can not drive no more no more {yes that did just happen}

It is currently at the mechanics who is doing us a HUGE favour/grand gesture what ever you want to call it and we are lucky, so lucky that he was just up the road from where my car decided it didnt want to go any more, because we practically had to push it... no we didn't, but if we had to drive it {milk it} any further more things would have gone wrong and that would have just sucked.

Don't get me wrong Spring, I am not blaming you for what happen to the car... the car is well used {and very well looked after I would like to add} I have a serious, ser.iou.sssss love for cars and it is WELL looked after. I know what happened is a bit random... and totally uncalled for... but you know.

Spring I am unfortunately blaming you because you are the only common thing that is around when these two things have happened... sorry about that eh.

And because I know... OH I KNOW, things come in threes.

I'm waiting Spring, I'm waiting...

BRING IT....

Sincerely... and totally annoyed

Tara.

I survived today...

this is heavy... apologies, but I just need to get it off my chest.
At 2.35 this morning I was woken by something.
It is usually the dogs barking, but not this time. 

Well they were barking but that wasn't it.

After a few minutes I had realised.
It was over.

I had lost another one.

Another one.

I couldn't believe it, I am completely shattered.
As anyone would be.

I didn't want to do this alone this time,
Hubby didn't want to go to work

I sent him anyway.

He called people

He rallied my troops

I needed to be busy 

I needed to get out of the house

I needed 'be normal'

I took our Son to his music class. Because that's normal.

I had received numerous texts from
{after Hubby had called them} friends full of 

"I'm sorry to hear"
"I'm calling over... no discussion and too bad I'm coming over anyways"

There was chocolate on the door step when I got home.

Another friend let me just sit on the couch and we talked about anything else but the big giant polka dotted elephant in the room.

I came home just before hubby's home time

Flowers were walked through the front door followed by my gorgeous Husband who is hurting just as much as me but is more concerned about me then himself.

We resumed 'normal' night time routine.

I NEED to feel this normal.

...

I survived today because of these people.
I can not thank them any more then I have.

Thank you for helping me feel normal
Thank you for helping me get through the day.

Thank you.

Off she goes.

So,
A couple of weeks ago, my sister the only one I have so I have to look after her as I was told repeatedly throughout my childhood.

Flew out of the country on  a big jet plane...

She is off to see the world.

With no return date.

I'm a bit shattered by this eh.
For a couple of reasons really.
I wont get to see her physically for some time

I wont get to give her that Christmas morning hug... its a thingI am totally jealous. But then I have traveled so I shouldn't be, but I am...

Our Son misses her COMPLETELY!

As do I

So far its only been a couple of weeks. 

So it's just like she is on a little holiday.

People say I will get used to it... but I don't think I want to.
I totally one hundred bazillion percent hope she is having an ah.maze.ing time.
But I would like her to come home now...I have a feeling I'll be typing those nine words for a while yet

Project Life week Sept 3rd-9th

Hi!
How are you?

Would you like a cuppa?
How do you have it?

There you go...

Okay so let me show you my latest week in PL.

I adore this hobby ABSOLUTELY adore it.

If you would like some more information on Project life go to Becky Higgins website and she will show you the ins and outs. But if thats not good enough comment below and I will help you out as best as I can. I am no professional but I love this stuff sick so thats professional enough in my opinion.

Any ways back to me...

Let me show you this week...
Its nothing flash mind you AND I didn't have that many photos and for those who know me personally know that, that is just CRAZY!

The full week...
All my photos are printed at home.

I used Amy Tan Papers and stamps this week. I like to mix my weeks up and this week Amy won.
I used her new date stamp for the week card this week. I have never done it before... I like it.

A good mix of Amy and the Clementine Collection.I went on a quick shopping spree with a friend the other day and we gave Typo a run for its money. That's where I got the heart stamp from.

That is a journalling card from the clementine collection sticking out from under the photo

I am keeping a weekly track of our sons plant.
Its a big deal in this house at the mo

Used some of Amy Tan's paper as a filler card I love the way it looks. I Also used some stamps on a plain grid card and was able to journal about two photos doing so.

Well thanks for stopping by, hopefully I'll see you next week.
I promise I'll have cake to go with the cuppa.

OH! before you go... look what else happened...
Did you see me concentrating REALLLLY hard?

Be good to you

x