Sunday, 7 October 2012



Definition:          Have difficulty handling or coping with
                                - passengers struggle with bags and briefcases

As I sit here and think about what is happening in my brain I find it hard to even know where to start. 

Do I say, I'm struggling with the fact that I would do anything in the world to have another child, but physically it seems impossible.

Because it is. 

Do I say, because of this I am finding each day at the moment a struggle.

Because it is.

Do I say, that this is playing out in other areas of my life and these areas are starting to affect my life negatively.

Because it is.

Do I say I am avoiding most social occasions because it can all just be to hard.

Because I am.

I get so cross with myself because of these struggles.

 Sometimes all the time, I wish I wasn't held back by these inhibitions. They haven't always been there but when typing that and really thinking about it I can remember different situations throughout my child hood where I have talked myself out of doing things because there may be a negative effect. It just seems to have gotten worse... a lot worse.

There are days were I get caught up with it and that is what we call a bad day. I celebrate at the end of those days because there is always hope the next one will be better.

They usually are.

There are days were I just think to myself. What are you worried about... just go with it... Cant sorry. Just doesn't work like that.

I am at the point where I am starting to think it will always be like this.
I do not want it to always be like this.

It is time for help I think.

Thanks for letting me vent



  1. I wish there was something I could say to make it all better for you x

  2. Lots of love to you and *I'm holding your hand* everything will be ok. xx

  3. All I can say is- you have to look at if this is 'you". If it is and you are happy with it... great. We are all different personality and energy levels, just accept what makes you, you. And work with it.

    BUT.... if your not happy (and you don't sound very happy) it is time to get some help dealing with it.
    Good luck and know that there are lots of people in the same anguish.


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