A letter to you... again.

I'm still processing thoughts.

This experience has been massive.

I have learnt so much about myself.

I lay in bed at night thinking about most things of the day.

Sometimes, sometimes I get stuck in a thought spiral... 

Remembering...

Remembering things that I can not un-see...

Remembering feelings I can not un-feel.

Having those thoughts and feelings feel as real as they did the first time...

My heart races.

It beats so high in my chest it feels like its going to pop right out...

My body tightens...

Anxiety takes hold.

I become wide awake.

I want you to swear and promise and beg that it will never EVER happen again.

But its not enough

Now I lay here

My thigh muscles throb...

My feet ache...

My breath slows but my chest hurts...

My eyes sting from the tears that try to come out, but they don't.



I beg for sleep to come.

But it doesn't.

Your comments are not only awesome! They are inspiring!
Thank you.

[Lets Play] Water Beads

Its summer, it gets hot and by 'it GETS hot' I mean... when you live in Melbourne it can be 45 degrees one day and 18 the next so... It can get hot.

Sometimes you can have 5 40-47 degree days in a row and I can the children can get pretty ratty and over it... as most do...

There are only so many things that can be done half a dozen times before they become monotonous and nobody wants to... has the energy to do them anymore.

So we stay home. We use the early mornings to go outside get vitamin D... run energy, see leaves move, hear the birds. We then move our way inside when the sun becomes too warm and we shut all the doors and windows including the blinds and turn the air con on at around 11:30 and stay inside... 

So once inside... we do the usual activities and after a full on morning outside it usually involves food first and drink {even though we take drinks outside with us}

How do I keep a busy four and a half year old on the warmer days you ask... Yea I'm getting there.

So after we have exhausted all the...

Painting

Crafting

Stenciling

Practiced writing

Mouldable "sand"

Played 'big boy' Lego

Wooden block construction

Hide and seek

during the hot week that I can stand

I whipped out these baby's 

... they have been a HIT once again. 

We have used them for the last two summers {after I learnt about them from Bianca}, but only just purchased replacements.
They come as tiny beads and you put them in water for 8 hours and over that 8 hours they expand. Any excess water you have you tip out and voila! Water play without the water!

They are cool therefore cooling when played with.

They are non toxic... so great for the littles

I love a good sensory play but they also help imaginative/language/fine motor/social & emotional and math, science skills... I lost count the amount of times the octopus was saved by his fellow creatures or the other items that he added to the mix. Or how many ended on the floor because of them being poured from one jug to another.

Even the baby loved them.

So tell me...

How do you keep cool on the crazy hot days?

What is your favourite cool/calm activity?

Your comments are not only awesome! They are inspiring! Thank you!

{#justonething365} week four

The #justonething365 project was inspired by Daisy.

Every night before bed I write in a journal that I purchased at the beginning of the year, I'm finding it a lovely way to reflect about our day.

This week I have chosen to write just one or two parts of our week.

Day twenty four 24/01/14

When Ronan was asked at dinner who his hero was, he turned around to Cash and pointed... yea there were TEARS!

Day twenty seven 27/01/14

Finnley; your teeth are giving you so much grief at the moment but you still manage BIG smiles and loads of laughs.



Other beautiful blogs sharing their adventure

Mummatells

Are you joining in to #justonething365? Do share!

Your comments are not only awesome! They are inspiring! Thank yo

[#justonething365] Week Three

What a week! 

Day thirteen 13/01/14

An impromtu photo shoot with Finnley saw me capturing him getting up on all fours for the first time!

Ronan and I made Apple Muffins today... when I say made... Ronan did all of the making

Day Fourteen 14/01/14

Finns 6 month photos done today. Can not wait to see them.

Day Fifteen 15/01/14

Finn got up on his hands and knees and rocked back and forth repeatedly! He is definitely getting the hang of this idea of growing up fast!

Loved crafting and quiet activities with Ronan today. Even managed a dip in the pool

Day sixteen 16/01/14

Finnley tried his first bit of rice cereal today... think we might wait a little longer before we try again.

Ronan was very snugly today.

Ronan was also very helpful at the supermarket today, his job was to carry the clip board with the shopping list on it as we walked the aisles. He took the job very seriously! 

Day seventeen 17/01/14

Another hot day. Hopefully that's the last of them for a little while.

Had the boys in the pool when the cool change hit. Ronan in the bigger one and Finn in the baby bath with water that was a little warmer. They had a ball, especially when daddy came home and jumped in too.

Day eighteen 18/01/14

A busy morning out, but I loved being out and about with my family. Market first thing then lunch at a cafe then some more shops in another town.

That evening, an engagement party. Happy Days


Day nineteen 19/01/14

Lots of rocking back and forth happening from our Little Finnley.

The table being covered COVERED in Lego with HOURS of play x

...




I am loving this project... LOVING IT.

Not only has it gotten me back into documenting our everyday but it also has me wanting to do project life again after 6 months "off"!

Yay to getting crafty!

#justonething365 was inspired by the gorgeous Daisy

Other beautiful blogs sharing their adventure

Mummatells

Are you joining in to #justonething365? Do share!

Do you do project life?

Your comments are not only awesome! They are inspiring! Thank you

Body image... it's a funny thing

So here's the thing.

I don't think I am the best person to talk about this... but then why aren't I?

Body image is a funny thing.

inspired by

There are ways I WISHED I looked, sure... could loose a few kilos... more for health reasons then any other.

But when I read this post by the lovely Mrs Woog.

It really got me thinking... about my oldest son.

He is so full of life... 

So full of spontaneity 

So full of affection.

So full of everything.

He will definitely give anything a go {within reason}

And IS NOT afraid to tell you how he feels, about ANYTHING.

That last point is the part I love the most about him.

I have spent my time encouraging him to be the person that he wants to be. 
Setting him boundaries that I think are appropriate and when I say I, I mean my husband and I.

We have a 'fairly' open relationship with him... there are things that a FOUR year old does NOT need to know, or see, or hear about. But most other then not we don't sway from the truth, unless we think we need to.

"What are those two chooks doing Mumma?"

They are copulating matey.

"oh, that's good?"

He has no idea what copulating means. 
But he knows I'm not trying to pull the wool over his eyes and that is the main thing.

He has big boots, my four year old and he uses every opportunity to try and fill them.

Then I read this post from the gorgeous Amy.

And it really got me thinking.

I don't have a daughter, as you know. 

I would love one, sure.

But it really got me thinking about me. 

The way I was raised. The words I heard.

I was never told I was beautiful.

I was bullied and ridiculed because no one knew how to handle my open and honest personality.

I was always told I needed to loose weight.

When I did loose weight I was asked if I was on drugs.

I got INCREDIBLY sick when I was 17/18 and lost 25 kilos because of it... too much weight yes. But there wasn't much I could do about that really.

I was asked again if I was doing drugs. 

My confidence has never been great. 

Always looking for reassurance.

Right now... I am not the heaviest I have been.

But I am not the lightest either.

From

I would love to loose weight but some medical conditions have inhibited that being an 'easy' task for me. NOT with out the lack of trying.

My body has let me down in more ways then one. AND yet I am still strong. still here still fighting and if I had a daughter... HELL I want my boys to hear this... get up and keep going... when the world feels like its against you just a little, I want you to keep going... to let it help you be a little stronger.

My body... could be better, sure... but its created 7 people and successfully bought two of them into this world.

But it is my body, and it is the way it is... and its here to stay.

May my boys never be told they are too heavy and need to loose weight.

May they be told to go get 'em, even though I know the chances are slim for them

MAY they always have the confidence to just be.


As the old adage goes

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

...and IF you are over age... add vodka!

What did you hear growing up?

Your children full of spunk too?

Your comments are not only awesome! They are inspiring! Thank you

Blog post mind warp

So, we are going through a heat wave...

SO SHOCKING! 

I know...because we have one every year and every year everyone is surprised by it...

every

single

year

So while its cool enough for the internet to work I thought I would tap-pity tap for a little while.

I was going to write about our Apple muffins that are very popular here in this house at the moment. But honestly... who wants to hear about "turning the oven on to 180 degrees" when you could practically cook them in your car.

I was going to write a little post about living 6 months with Finnley... But I don't think I am in the right mind frame for that.

I was going to write a little more about my thoughts and feelings about the #abrightproject that I am participating in...

Then there was the post about how I want to write about whats going on lately.

Then there was the post about where I am feeling sad/confused with some things that are going on in my life that I so desperately want to share, but don't think I have enough of a grasp on it.

Then there was the post where....

and then...



...lets be honest... I am stuck in a blog post mind warp.

So many ideas... Not confident enough to follow them through.

I literally sat here for much longer then necessary trying to find
the 'perfect' photo for this post
So flowers from my garden will just have to do!

In the mean time.

I think I will just tap away and see what I can come up with.

So this is Tara... confused as always.


Over and out.

This is the space where I ask you questions...

I KNOW what would you like to see around these parts! 

Ever been in a blog post mind warp?

Ever just sort of wandered around aimlessly...?

{#justonething365} Week two

At first I didn't think I was going to be able to keep up with it but this is coming quite naturally to me, when I was working it was apart of my job to take daily observations of the children as apart of my programming. Another thing that I am finding helpful... Every night at the dinner table we talk about our favourite things of the day. It is really cool to be able to see everyone's perceptive of the day and also helps if I am a bit stuck to find my 'just one thing'

Day six: 6/01/14

We went to the aquarium today (it was the Christmas gift from Zia). There were lots of things that were great but if I had to pick just one things. It would be when I went in to wake Ronan up to get ready and I told him that we were going to see the fish and he JUMPED up and down with excitement. Seeing him looking at all the animals with the excitement and awe it wasn't hard to get swept up in it all and it was honestly the best thing. He fed the fish which I am told was AWESOME!

Finnley managed to only see the first three tanks of animals, he slept the whole way around.

Day seven: 7/01/14

I was writing my letter for my task one in a bright project at the dining table and Ronan came racing to the back door shouting
"MUMMA, DADDY IS IN TROUBLE"
oh ohhh what did he do?
"HE'S STUCK!"
eh?
"I SHUT THE DOOR!!!" 
It took me a minute to realise what he was talking about, Cash is make a storage room inside the shed and was installing the door when Ronan shut it... locking Cash inside TOO FUNNY! It didn't take long to get him out.

Day eight 8/01/14

Today we were outside just after 8 am and Ronan was BEGGING for the pool to have water in it and as it was going to be a nice day we filled it up while we went and had porridge for breakfast... after a rest it was ready to go. Watching him play, splash and kick in the pool, with or without his 'surf board' was awesome. He really is our water babe.

Day nine 9/01/14

We went to Dinosaur world with E, A and E today. Ronan LOVED walking around with A even holding hands on occasion. Even though he was frightened of a few of them {read most} he was still in awe of them.
When I was arranging Ronan and A to have photo in front of Ronan's favourite it ROARED the loudest we had heard and it FRIGHTENED Ronan! After I had gathered my composure after laughing so hard we went and participated in a fossil dig...

Finn managed to sleep his whole way around the park... AGAIN!

Day ten 10/01/14

Finn had his first REAL go in the pool today and he LOVED it... splishing and a splashing! it was AWESOME to see him in the water. Looks like we have another water babe.

Day eleven 11/01/14

Just before bed... probably not the best timing. Ronan and I played a game of chase.
Around and around the house... through one back door, onto the deck through the other back door through the house to hide and catch your breath over and over and over again. Oh the joy in his face...

Day twelve 12/01/14

Went to Nonna and Pops for a visit. When we got there we noticed Pop had the sprinkler running off the tank. Ronan upon spotting it the sprinkler whispers to me:
"Mumma, Pop has a sprinkler on"
He sure does matey.
Ronan looking bashfully and shuffling his feet 
"Mumma I want to run in it"
I had thought about saying No, we had literally only just got out of the car and walked in the gate... we had no change of clothes. I looked at him.
Sure mate, Have fun.

45 mins later {{its off a tank}} he was done, dried and playing Lego in the lounge room for the rest of the visit.

Finn LOVED the cuddles with Nonna and Pop and growling at them.

-


Its not until typing it all out here that I realise what a busy week we have had! 

Read about Week One here.

Read about other beautiful blogs sharing this adventure.
Mummatells

This 'little' project was inspired by Daisy.

Are you participating? Do share your link below!
Any questions? Please ask below x

{#abrightproject} 20 Facts About Me

Here's the thing.
I like to think I am going to commit to things and follow them through the whole year.
You know...
A diary for example... you fill in an entire years worth of birthday and it is lost under a pile of stuff on your desk by the middle of Feb and you find it in July and "oh yea... I was going to use that" start using it for a week and then let if go by the wayside.

We've all been there at one time another.

I chose to participate in the BRIGHT project for many reasons.
One being to stick to it...

But the other reasons are;

I will meet NEW people - HELLO COMFORT ZONE
I will be tested with monthly challenges - HELLO COMFORT ZONE
I will be putting myself out there with gifts and letters - HELLO COMFORT ZONE

Are we sensing a theme here.

RIGHT.

So, as I want to be a regular blogger and not letting things fall by the wayside again.

Here is my 20 Facts about me...

That was a mini challenge set by one of the many gorgeous girls in our group.

1- Growing up my favourite animal was a pig.

2- Because of number one I never ate any form of pig. Since becoming a Mumma I'll have 'some' ham and bacon {the things you do eh?}

3- When I was six I dislocated my elbow. I suffered severe nerve damage and now don't have any feeling in my right arm except the top of my thumb and forefinger. The only time I do feel anything is after the physio or chiro has worked on it {YUK}

4- I am ambidextrous because of number 3

5- I don't have a favourite colour, but I am partial to blues, yellow, pinks and some greens

6- I LOVE taking photos, they are very important to me

7- I live for music, always have. Its an important part of my life. There is always music playing somewhere in our home.

8- I play the flute. I can also play the guitar, piano and percussion as well.

9- I have strong morals and I like to surround myself with those who have similar morals.

10- I enjoy being crafty, but space time and money prevent this from happening more often then not.

11- 2013 was one of the most challenging years I have ever had emotionally.

12- I have had 5 miscarriages. They will always be with me. ALWAYS!

13- I have an aversion to the number thirteen. {more about that another time}

14- I have two tattoos, and have plans for more!

15- Amongst my Mum, Dad, Sister, Husband and two boys I am the only one with blue eyes and was a natural blonde... now I am assisted by my hair dressing genius of a friend!

16- The friends I do have are VERY important to me.

17- I have learnt more about myself in the last six months then I have my entire life {which is part of the reason why I joined this project}

18- I'm a people please/giver but do not accept things in return well.

19- I played softball from when I was 8-19. I was the catcher for my team for 7 years.

20- I enjoy being social but I crave my own space more often then not.

If your new here thank you for stopping by.

Can you think of 20 facts about you? DO SHARE!

Let things go by the wayside in the past? THIS is our year!

{#justonething365} Week One.

I was inspired by the ever gorgeous Daisy from Daisy Roo and Two.

I have done many things in an attempt to document our lives, scrap booking, Project life & even attempted to blog on a 'regular' basis. 

But this... THIS I think I can stick to.

The idea is to write just one thing a day... for a whole year... so at the end of the year you have at least 365 things written about your life... about your littles... about your day to day stuff. 

How you felt... what made you laugh... the nice stuff.

Because sometimes, its hard to remember the good stuff when you are swamped by what feels like a mountain of not so good stuff.

This is going to be fun.

I am looking forward to the end of the year when I see my book FULL of little things.

I am not giving myself any rules.

I can write one things about our day or 10.

I aim to write a post each week about our memories because I want to be able to store the photos with some of the memories as well and this is the perfect space.

I may not write every day down though... some things... well they are just for families only.

Seeings as this is the first time I have been on the computer since the end of December I am starting a little late... but never mind.

Purchased from here

Day one:

Ronan managed to stay up until midnight to watch the fireworks on tv. We had S, A & L over for a dinner and some sparkler fun, they left at around 10 and Ronan was determined  to stay up and watch them with us. SO PROUD OF HIM for making it! He loved them!

As an extra bonus... he slept until 10:45 the next morning! Happy new year indeed!

Finnley managed to sit unsupported for 5 seconds!

Day two: 

Ronan was having trouble using his skateboard that he got from Santa so not one to give up he road around on it on his stomach and glided up and down the deck.

Finnley; still working on getting his arms strong enough to hold him up!

Day four:

Ronan was compliment on his beautiful manners by a stall holder at the local market. It was such a beautiful compliment.

Finnley sat unsupported for TEN seconds.

Day five:

I had Ronan ring his Uncle for his birthday first thing, it was something that my sister and I used to do when we were little... we would ring the cousins straight after breakfast and shout happy birthday into the phone and then ask them what they got for their birthdays.

Such a great memory looking back and its something I want my boys to do as well.

While feeding Finnley, we discovered that Ronan had helped himself to the sunscreen... even though I had only JUST put sunscreen on him.
He has never done anything like this before. It was hard to decide whether to be cross or just laugh. So we wiped him up and had a bit of a chat about using things moderately.

Love this boy.

So there you go... Our first week in #justonething365 

Other beautiful blogs sharing this adventure...

Mummatells

Are you writing just one things as well? or a 52 to project?

Do you have a blog where you are sharing your #justonething365? DO share below x

I was wanting to do a portrait a week as well... but it might be all a bit too much... we will see.