Thursday, 19 July 2012

SO there is some light...

So last week I spoke about how things weren't up to scratch with me. It was a difficult post to write I ummmed and arrrred about it for a while but the love that I received via email and message on our Facebook page was amazing and I thank every single one of you for making the time to contact me and telling me your stories and giving me the pat on the back that I needed.

So, I went to the doctor as I said it would and I was as nervous as they come. But waiting rooms and I dont match its like warfare for my OCD and when I am not having the best of days I go a bit manic with my OCD and putting myself in a waiting room at a doctors surgery is like nothing you have ever seen, to make matters worse he was running late.

So I'm not going to give you the ins and outs of my appointment but he said that there is a lot going on and that we have to start at the beginning and he is going to help me through this. 
Someone actually can see that there is something wrong. not quiet up to scratch. I was made to feel empowered with what is going on with me and that there is light.


The afternoon after the appointment left me feeling blah. REALLY blah, but that happens when everything gets laid on the table and you have to bring out all the things that hurt.
Hubby was with me to look after Master R so that I could speak to the doctor and I wasn't distracted thank you Hubster.

He then kept me busy for the rest of the afternoon and then he organised to get together with some friends that night so that I was kept super busy.
My friend asked me a THOUSAND questions and after a while I gave in and blurted all the answers out and when the kiddos were all in bed we had the biggest d&m ever.
I told her lots of things, things that I thought I would never say out loud. 
I dont know how I feel about that but its happened now.
I will always be questioning whether I have offended her with what I said but like I said its out now.
AND guess what, I laughed. I actually laughed over the littlest thing but it was funny and it was a great!

SO bare with me while I work through this.
Depression isn't the same for everyone and this is my story.
Its a process and a hard one at that
But the help is right where I need it now. 

Some people that could help you if things aren't up to scratch with you

As most of you know I LOVE my music and when I need to get myself out of a funk I love nothing more then turning the music up loud and cooking up a storm.
This is one that I am loving at the mo, well for a long time but I love singing my heart out to this one.



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